Sunday, May 1, 2011

I was in the living room, kneeling on the couch, looking out the window. All I could see was everything covered in a blanket of white fluff. I saw little white dots continuously falling from the sky, adding on to the layer of fluff outside my window. It was early in the morning, so no one was outside shoveling the white snow off the sidewalk and cars.
Christmas was coming soon, so many of the houses on my block were also covered with lights and decorations. If you could look through the windows of the other houses, you would see huge Christmas trees decorated with small ornaments  and lights. I envied my neighbors’ Christmas trees; I always wanted one, to decorate and to keep presents under them.
I walked back to my room, and climbed back into bed. During winters, I always sleep with an electric blanket so my bed is always toasty warm. I knew it would take at least an hour for my sister to wake up. She was the person who I hung out with the most; she was always around, after she came home from high school of course. But today was a Saturday; she was sleeping in since she never has the chance to. Once she wakes up, we would both eat breakfast together and of course eat the same thing. It would also take some time to persuade her to get on some warm clothes and go outside to play in the snow with me.
My next door neighbor, Erica, was my very first friend and I saw her almost every day. I met my next door neighbor when I was about three years old. We always did things together, make mud pies in the summer, play with dolls, go to the park, go swimming, and today I would wait for her to play in the snow.
Under me, I heard a door close; then shortly after, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Someone was in the kitchen looking through the cabinets. I jumped out of my warm bed, feeling the coldness slowly surrounding me. I walked to the kitchen and was quickly greeted with a “good morning.” I sat down at the kitchen table and saw a red box with a bottle of syrup accompanying it. --

3 comments:

  1. "It was early in the morning, so no one was outside shoveling the white snow off the sidewalk and cars."
    "Christmas was coming soon, so many of the houses on my block were also covered with lights and decorations."

    maybe you shouldn't use 'so' so often and try another conjunction instead. for example, and or therefore, etc.

    I think this can be a better story if you continued it and added some more things into the story. Maybe you can put some into what you're going to do or if you don't want a plot, add a little bit more description? :)

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  2. Your story is way better than Lina's haha. But your story seems really casual and provides a sort of backstory to all the characters that you've chosen to introduce.

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  3. Give it a title and continue it on. You should go into a further description of your older sister and then also Erica. I like the amount of description and detail of the snow but you should go further with the rest of the story. I think your story is good though you could just make it better by continuing it on and adding details.

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